


Angsty Ficlets

by notyouranswer (gorgeouschaos)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Ficlet Collection, Gen, Spoilers for all seasons, This is just a place for me to post angst don't expect anything more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgeouschaos/pseuds/notyouranswer
Summary: 100-150 word ficlets of angst. Just wanted to post some of them.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Kudos: 9





	1. "You Left Me Here"

“Goddamnit, you bastard,” Dean yelled, hurling the angel blade Cas had left behind at the picture of Cas pinned to his wall. The blade went through the middle of the photo and stuck there, quivering. “Goddamn you. I can’t-- you left me, you son of a bitch. You left me here. What am I supposed to do with that, huh? What the hell am I supposed to  _ do _ with that?”

Dean’s voice cracked and he sank to his knees. scrambling for Cas’ trenchcoat under his bed like he’d scrambled to keep Cas with him. It came out dusty. Dean buried his face in it anyway. 

It still smelled like him. It still smelled like Cas. Like ozone and cheap soap and gunpowder. 

It still smelled like home.

With his face buried in the coat Cas had died in, Dean whispered, “What the hell am I supposed to do without you?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for eating disorders.

Dean stops eating, after Hell. 

At first, Sam thinks he’s just trying to be healthier, is even glad of the change as Dean starts eating mostly salads and fruits. 

Dean eats less and less of those, though, and Sam is forced to confront the problem after he sees his brother shirtless for the first time in months and he can count his brother’s ribs. 

“Dean.” Sam stumbles over his own words, clears his throat. “When was the last time you ate?”

“When was the last time you saw Ruby?” Dean says it coolly.

Sam shuts his mouth and looks away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for eating disorders.

“Come on, Sammy,” Dean says, cajoling. “Just eat the burger.”

Sam stares at the food his brother’s prepared. There’s a twisting in his stomach as he remembers how long Dean had been in the kitchen today, but there’s a bigger twist at the thought of eating it. He can smell cooking meat, he can smell the stench of his own flesh burning from his bones, he can--

“Thanks, but I think I’ll stick with salad today,” Sam says. He ducks his head so he doesn’t see the worry on Dean’s face. 

" Okay, Sam.” Dean sounds tired, but he doesn’t leave. “Okay.”


	4. Instinct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one thing Naomi could never do to Castiel was override his instinct to save Dean Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode tag to Goodbye Stranger.   
> Thanks for reading, hope you like it, and I love hearing from y'all.

Castiel has never been able to bear Dean in pain. It runs contrary to his existence, at this point. He Fell-- he lost everything-- to avoid it.

It’s the hardest thing he’s ever done to stop himself from killing Dean. And yet it is the easiest choice Castiel has ever made. 

Because this is muscle memory, this is instinct, this is an angel blade dropping into his hand and this is flight and this is lifting Dean Winchester out of Perdition.

This is bone-deep, Grace-deep, would be soul-deep if Castiel ever lets himself Fall that far.

This is all he remembers how to do, with everything else stripped from him.

“Dean,” Castiel rasps, and the name resonates off his tongue and in what’s left of his mind like church bells ringing out salvation.

(The one thing Naomi could never do to Castiel was override his instinct to save Dean Winchester.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean doesn't stop praying to Cas, after he gets sent to the Empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I just watched Carry On and, uh, I am not okay.  
> Here. Have some angst.

Dean doesn’t stop praying to Cas. He doesn’t think he knows how to stop, at this point. Even half a bottle of whiskey doesn’t dim the instinct enough. 

It’s little prayers, most of the time. It’s  _ Cas you need to try this pie _ and  _ Cas I sharpened your knives _ and  _ Cas where the Hell are you, man?  _ before Dean remembers.

It’s a habit Dean’s not sure if he wants to quit.

Once, when Dean’s either a hell of a lot too drunk or just a little too sober, it’s  _ You changed me too, you know that? You gave me something to believe in. You made me believe I deserved to be saved. That there was something worth living for.  _

And when he’s bleeding out, it’s  _ I love you too, Cas, you stupid son of a bitch. I always loved you. _


End file.
